Nothing is sexier than lying naked on your bed face down while your lover parts your cheeks and pulls small, live worms out of your anus.
Tropical romance – what fun!
Pin worms are actually all about sex. You ingest the eggs from one of the many sources of contamination. As soon as they get inside your intestines and hatch, they start having a big pin worm orgy. Promptly, after they are finished, the males die. Why? The only thing I can think of is that pin worm sex is so good, that they are ready to leave this world for the next one after they’re done.
Then the pregnant females work their way down through your intestines where they come crawling out of – you guessed it! – your sexy but. It kind of itches when worms are crawling out of your but, so of course, you’re going to scratch. And when you do – blammo! – your burst the female who is full of eggs and you then spread those eggs into your clothes or sheets and eventually into other unsuspecting people or back into yourself.
The good news is that pin worms are relatively easy to kill, so a few pills later and those hotties are no more – until the next time.
This whole experience got me thinking about FP, one of the things I’ve become most grateful for, these last 4 years on the road in India, SE Asia, South America, Mexico, etc. What is FP, you ask? Firm Poo.
That’s right, a good solid stool. It’s really one of the great pleasures of life. I met an Indian guy in Rishikesh who said he had permanent diarrhea. That sounds horrible to me. I had a flu where I had diarrhea for 3 days and couldn’t keep any food down – not fun! There’s just nothing like looking down with pride into that glistening white bowl and saying “Well Formed … Well Formed.”
I still remember my brother’s first poo after 7 weeks of diarrhea in South America. Turns out that he had a case of Giardia that escaped his first diagnostic test. Once we finally figured it out and got him the meds, you shoulda seen that poo! I thought an anaconda was crawling out of that Bolivian toilet!
Thinking back, I wish we had entered it into the Guinness Book of World Records. It amazed me so much, I even took a picture of it, but I’ll leave that to your imagination. And what did I say to him as I was admiring his handiwork? “Damn brother, well formed!”
I’ve learned so much about parasites in my 15 years of traveling internationally. Now, they don’t scare me so much, and I certainly don’t go running for a bottle of antibiotics at the first sign of diarrhea. I’ve met too many travelers who have destroyed their immune systems by doing that and have no hope of recovery – no hope for an FP in their near future. “Well Formed” will not be a phrase they utter with pride each morning until they get home and take tons of probiotics and who knows what else. Some parasites are worth treating with allopathic meds, but most aren’t.
Grapefruit seed extract is a powerful antidote for a lot of bugs, although it’s also very powerful and does take out some of your natural intestinal flora. Activated charcoal can also be a big help. How about a couple of diced cloves of raw garlic a couple of times a day – oh yeah, baby – now that is sexy!
I recently completed a 100 day herbal parasite cleanse that I’d recommend to anyone, even if you think you don’t have parasites, because the truth is, you probably do. It’s a 100 day cleanse involving Wormwood powder, Black Walnut Hull powder and Clove powder all in capsules – a combo called the Triple Treasure.
You take them once a day with dinner for 100 days. This gives all your little friends time hatch, have their orgies, lay their eggs in your intestines and get hit by the herbs. The 100 days makes sure you get them all.
I’ve been fascinated with parasites over the past year. I even found a woman who is successfully treating autism in children through an aggressive parasite protocol.
I found a doctor from Spain that said (I paraphrase), “Hey, we treat our dogs for worms. Why don’t we treat ourselves? We also have worms, even if you live in the US or Europe.” Makes sense to me. This is a guy that does serious parasite cleanses and then digs around in his poo with a stick to see what’s there, and HO-LY SHIT, you wouldn’t believe the things living inside of us. Feels a bit like the movie Aliens. Check this out.
And to top it all off, I found a guy who is effectively treating auto-immune diseases like Multiple Sclerosis and severe allergies by actually infecting people with small numbers of hookworms! He says that we actually have a symbiotic relationship with some parasites that helps us to stay healthy. There is some interesting research beginning to show up in this area.
So what to do with all of that information besides feeling grossed out?
Our bodies are mini universes. We couldn’t even digest our food without the help of millions of bacteria living in our intestines. In fact, we have 10 times more microorganisms in our intestines than human cells in our entire bodies!1 We are not islands unto ourselves – even in the most basic of ways. Contemplating this fact helps break down the sense of separation we can feel with the world. It’s not me in here and the world out there. It’s a very interpenetrated existence even inside of us. Buddhist teacher, Thich Naht Hanh, uses the word “Inter-Being,” although I don’t think he’s applied it to parasites yet. Perhaps now he will.
With that, I’ll leave you, hopefully not too creepy crawly. Enjoy getting to know the many organisms that call your body home. Send some gratitude to the millions of beings inside of you that are making your life possible, and perhaps explore if there are a few visitors that might need to leave.
Here’s to wishing you a well formed FP.